Well, I certainly didn't write down as much as I wanted to during our engagement...so I think it's pretty impressive that my first married post is coming a short 18 days after our wedding day!
Yesterday (June 26, 2012), I finished my errands and tasks to change my name to Tara Jade Clifton. Woo HOO! I primarily am happy that my facebook official name is truly my legal name. I am secondarily happy that I have crossed off tasks from the list-inside-my-head so that I have that much more space for re-studying for the Audit exam. Restudying begins today...
But before studying commences, I need to write some of the feelings and memories that I shared with Emily, because I didn't realize how much I want to capture until I talked to her and she drug this stuff out of me!
The first memory I want to capture is that our wedding was beautiful, everything fell into place, ran (relatively) smoothly (Coordinator Karen dropped a couple of balls - Cresta resolved them of course), our guests had fun, and most importantly - our wedding glorified God! Bmom keeps telling me how people were blessed by our ceremony, our love for each other, etc. Even Kim & Ron decided to have a 'recommitment' to each other, vowing to love each other better & to have more fun. I'm not totally sure if it was just our wedding or the fact that their anniversary is June 10, but I would suspect that both factors added to their renewal.
After we got married, I had some emotions that I didn't expect to come out. I know my emotions are common, so I'm not worried about this. However, I did have a moment in time that I was kind of 'in shock' we were actually married. It felt really surreal that Tyler and I will be together for life, having a new family member; and I guess I could identify with feeling 'scared'. I described to Tyler that it was like I all of a sudden became scared that we have a marriage (almost like a third person in our relationship) that we have to work really hard to protect.
-What if I mess it up?
-What if our marriage gets 'ugly'?
Those are thoughts that need to be banished because God promises that if we live in Him, Christ's love makes it possible to love one another, no matter the circumstances. I think that third person is the Holy Spirit that Tyler and I share. This feeling is really too new to describe any more tangibly. I suspect I'll have more revelation as God enlightens both of us.
Another interesting feeling I've been having is that now that we're married, it feels like I don't know Tyler as well as I thought I did. Because we're both new people, being one with each other, I am surprised to figure out that I have a new standard in my mind of the level that we have to know each other. So whenever something comes up that I don't know about him, or don't expect, I feel an underlying bit of awkwardness with a side of, 'I should have known that already'! In reality, I'll be learning about him for the ENTIRETY of our marriage, why should I expect anything different? We have only known each other for approximately 10% of each others lives; and people change as we grow - so why should I know everything about him? That'd be boring if I never learned anything more about him!!
Sidenote: there have been so many times that I can't recount (from the past few weeks and before) that Tyler has said something to the effect that shows me that he knows me REALLY well, and that has been a HUGE blessing that God knew I desired before I could really put that into words. I think that as a woman, it is nearly a requirement that the close people in your life have to know you well for emotional relationship to thrive. As Tyler has predicted my thought processes, or done something for me without being asked, or given me something that I wanted but never said, I have been so fulfilled and blessed!
All in all, with the weird feelings, awesome blessings, honeymoon, name changes, moving transition, etc.; being married for the past 18 days has been the best 2+ weeks of my life. I love it. God did a good thing creating a covenant like this.
For the first time, I'm signing off as Mrs. Clifton!
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